Author: Darkshrew (Darkness)
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters nor even the 'Five Things' things.
Notes: Because the idea came to me and why not jump on the bandwagon. Not the first Psych thing I've written, but the first I've posted somewhere. And apparently they seem to involve food somehow, awesome cause food rocks.
Warning: There are het pairings behind the cut, just so you know. It is also unbetaed so please forgive any mistakes
1. Juliet O'Hara
It was a slow process, waking up that morning and the part of Carlton's brain which was still asleep wanted to bury his face back into the pillow and just not get up. It was his day off after all and unlike days past, he actually- well not enjoyed, but he appreciated the fact he didn't have anything he had to do. So when he heard light footsteps muffled by the carpeting, he groaned and made a grap for the blankets, but his reflexes were dulled by sleep and the covers were unceremoniously ripped off of him.
He made an inarticulate string of sounds that were supposed to be a protest, after all had they stayed up late the night before watching the movie marathon she'd talked him into? Not that he hadn't enjoyed it as well, but getting him to admit he liked Marilyn Monroe films would only slightly less hard then making him say Shawn Spencer was his best friend.
"Come on, get up Carlton" she said cheerfully over his head and he cracked an eye open, giving a half-hearted glare up at Juliet, "You said you wanted me to get you up when I got up remember?"
His brow furrowed a little, trying to remember when he had said that and decided it had been sometime after the third movie. "So I did" he mumbled and finally sat up, trying to bring his brain awake and reminded himself that he was no longer in his twenties and really, he needed and liked sleep as much as he liked making Juliet happy.
"Oh, I'm making your favorite breakfast so you should come out and get some before I eat them all" she said, leaning down and brushing a kiss on his cheek before leaving the room wearing one of his button-up shirts and nothing else.
"That defeats the purpose of making them for me!" he yelled after her, but did stand up and shake his head with an amused chuckle.
If someone had told him he would one day be in love with Juliet O'Hara, he would have snarled at them and muttered something about not dating partners (not after what happened last time). But love was a funny thing and here he was, in love and the smell of raspberry pancakes cooking filling the air as he dressed.
2. Burton "Gus" Guster
Of all of the ways he might have wanted people to learn that he was dating one Burton Guster, Spencer finding out first was not one of them. Gus had mentioned how hard it was to keep a secret from his best friend and Shawn really was getting suspicious of him and he hated lying and- at that point Carlton had put a hand over his boyfriend's mouth and told him to shut up and watch the tv.
Any other person might have been even just a little more discreet about confronting him, maybe choosing a private location. But not Spec- Shawn (he had to get used to calling him that because now Gus gave him a look every time he called him Spencer), oh no, Shawn had no sense of modesty or shame and seemed to assume everyone else was the same.
Shawn of course picked to plant himself in front of his desk at the station and it taken Carlton a full minute to even realize he was there. Which was a worrisome start to the encounter because he didn't think he'd even seen Shawn be that quiet and still for that long more times then he could count on his fingers in the years he'd known him.
"Spencer?" he asked slowly, paranoia leaning him back into his old habit rather then trying to remember to call him Shawn.
"You're dating Gus?!" was the first thing out of his mouth. And of course it was neither quiet nor in a pitch below what was only really suitable for dog's to be able to hear.
Carlton winced and it wasn't just from the slight ringing in his ears. For a minute he considered denying it or asking him what the hell he was talking about, but then word might back to Gus of the 'joke' Shawn had tried to pull and that would upset him and- he cleared his throat, trying to ignore the fact that everyone was staring and Shawn looked torn between wanting to run away shrieking or jumping over his desk to throttle him.
He tried to get himself to say "Yes I am" or even something resembling those words. But what came out was "Maybe?"
"Maybe?!" Shawn shrieked and if Carlton had thought that it was impossible for the fake psychic's voice to get to a higher pitch, oh boy was he wrong. "Maybe! It's not really a maybe! Are you or aren't you?"
"I don't see you saying you're dating most of the women you're with" he retorted and the moment it left his lips he knew it was the wrong thing to say judging by the fact that Shawn's expression had tipped closer to the 'jump over the desk and throttle him' side of it. Grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair, he skirted around the desk and walked out, leaving Shawn sputtering angrily behind him. Luckily apparently he was also too angry to follow.
As he strode out (more like fled, but he didn't feel like spilting hairs right now) out of the station, he didn't stop walking until he reached the boardwalk. And it was only when he sank onto a bench, he realized he'd probably fucked up just like he always did and that he'd let Shawn Spencer of all people chase him out of his police station.
"You look like someone ran over your puppy"
Carlton looked up, making a face at Gus but taking the snowcone offered to him. "I don't have a puppy" he mumbled, taking a bite of the icey treat, the taste of blue raspberry melting over his tongue.
"It's an expression. Honestly" Gus said, rolling his eyes. But he sat down and munched on his own snowcone. Carlton took this as a good sign that Shawn hadn't called him yet. So he cleared his throat a little awkwardly, but didn't say anything. Finally Gus glanced over at him with an look that clearly said 'Yeees?'
"I think I implied to Spec- Shawn that I was dating you the same way he dates women?"
"Is that a question?"
"Now why in the name of sam hill did you do that?"
"Because he decided to shriek at me asking if we were dating. In the middle of the station and-"
"You panicked and responded with your sarcastic wit"
Gus was quiet for a minute. "Shawn'll get over once I talk to him. I think, I hope- he's Shawn"
"That's not exactly reassuring Gus" Carlton responded, making a face that for whatever reason made Gus laugh at him, lean over and kiss him, and still was laughing as he pulled away.
"You taste like banana"
"I'm eating a banana-flavored snowcone, that might be why"
"I hate banana"
"Oh get over it"
Carlton shut his mouth at that point and decided if he- they could survive the aftermath of his big mouth this time, maybe they could survive most everything. A faint smile tugged at his lip that he hid by taking a bite of his snowcone, but when he saw Gus smiling back out of the corner of his eye he knew he'd done a bad job of hiding it.
And that was alright.
Because they were alright.
3. Joy Guster
Carlton Lassiter hadn't planned on anything coming from talking to Joy Guster that day in the police station, he had merely been trying to be his approximation of nice and, hey, if it was going to bug Guster and Spencer, why not? He hadn't expected her to have gotten his phone number from his interfering partner. Nor had he expected her to give him a call on said number, asking him if he would like to catch a movie with her sometime.
And he had also surprised himself when he had said that yes, he would like that.
One movie had so far turned into three and a half movies, five dinners, a failed attempt at the ice-rink and one time at his house so he could cook her his famous Chicken Kiev.
It had sometime in the middle of his cooking and her telling him a funny anecdote about her day that he had realized that he might be dating Burton Guster's sister. Which he'd said aloud in amazement and Joy had just laughed, saying that it was cute it had taken him that long to realize it.
But he had realized also then that he was actually okay with that.
What he was not okay with was after the two stooges found out and he was forced to endure them, Spencer's jokes and Guster's mixture of overprotective brother and horror at the idea. But like Spencer was prone to doing, he wore Guster down and now he was being forced to listen to what they assumed passed for witty banter at him about the subject.
"You know if he is dating your sister Gus, that means he is kind of like our brother?"
"Our brother? Shawn, you dated Joy once"
Carlton made a face at that tidbit, but didn't say a word because he really didn't want to encourage them anymore.
"Dated is a loose term and that was like- like, a long amount of years ago Gus. Don't be such a squishy bunny. But if this goes on for any longer, we may be forced to let Lassie join our bros club and that just makes a mixture of happy and sad all at once and I'm just not sure what to do with these feelings"
"Oh for the love of sweet justice, shut up Spencer!" Carlton snapped out and inwardly winced at the grin that spread over Spencer's face that he'd finally gotten him to respond. Luckily he was saved when Joy approached, carrying a bag that smelled quite divinely like Chinese food (his stomach was reminding him just how long it had been since he last ate) and giving her brother and his best friend a look. Which sent them guiltily scampering away and over to O'Hara's desk.
And as she sat down, dividing the food between them as he set his work aside, he said "You need to teach me how to do that. When I glare it only seems to encourages them"
"It comes from the many long years growing up with them, believe me. You're probably better off not being able to do it. Just growl all sexy-like and threaten them with your gun. I bet that'll work" she laughed before looking serious, though it was spoiled by the smile on her face, "But maybe hold back on the sexy part of the growl, I think I want to keep that bit for myself"
And he felt his lips turn up in a smile, laughing under his breath at her- or rather more like along with her.
4. Adam Hornstock
"And then I said to him 'I acknowledge receipt of your letter dated the 2nd of April. The purpose of my suggestion that my client purchases an area of land from yourself is that this can be done right up-'"
"Adam" Carlton said slowly, not really it expecting it to stop the other man so he turned his attention for a minute to the tuna sandwich sitting in front of him, not even sure why he had ordered it when he didn't even particularly like tuna. Bad memories of school lunches as a kid or something. So he munched on a few fries instead.
"'-to your clearly defined boundary in which case notwithstanding that the plan is primarily for identification purposes on the ground the position of the boundary would be clearly ascertainable this in-'"
"Adam" he tried this time, a little more forceful because he had learned that once Adam got started on legal jargon, it was an ordeal to get him to stop again. But he wasn't listened to or heard, making him scowl just a little.
"'our opinion would overcome the existing problem'. And then I added, with a rather good smirk I should add 'I look forward to hearing from you once you have reconsidered the situation.'"
"Adam!" he said, keeping his voice just under a shout and was pleased when he got the other's attention finally. Adam fixed him with the bewildered look of his he used to find annoying but now was just endearing. "As much as I enjoy the rare times we can share lunch, it does not mean I want to hear legalese I don't understand" he explained and frowned a little. Legalese? What in the world was legalese? He was spending too much time around Spencer for his mental health.
But Adam didn't seem to mind, just smiling brightly. "Sorry Carlton, it's just- I'm actually starting to get respect in the courtroom and it's just- amazing. Dad says I might get my name on the door one of these days if I keep this up"
Carlton let a smile spread on his face. "So would it be Hornstock, Hornstock, Biederman, Hornstock and Hornstock then instead of Hornstock, Hornstock, Biederman, and Hornstock?" he teased and paused, "I think that was too many times saying Hornstock"
"That's not nice Carlton" he whined and Carlton laughed softly, "You know how that hurts, all those Hornstocks-"
"And your sister is the Biederman don't forget"
"You're a terrible boyfriend you know that right?"
Carlton smiled as he set down the french fry he had been twisting between his fingers. "I'm just teasing you Adam, I think it's great. You deserve your name on that door"
Adam just beamed at him before eying the tuna sandwich he wasn't eating. "You going to eat that?" he asked and Carlton pushed it in his direction.
5. Abigail Lytar
Stepping out of his car, Carlton let a slight smile pass over his face as he wondered how she would react to his being here. See, he was never off work early enough to stop by the school before she was off and besides, it wasn't like she needed him there so he never bothered. Today though he had been allowed to sign out early after closing an important case and her car was in the shop, he had dropped her off that morning but she had been planning on paying for a taxi home.
But he was here and able to pick her up.
What he hadn't planned on was the fact he arrived at the school before the kids were let out, a fact he wasn't even thinking about until he slipped into the back of her kindergarten class and saw the small children still in their seats. Abby glanced back at him, a small tilt of her head to the side letting him know she was surprised and confused to see him.
Carlton planned on exiting the classroom because while he might maybe one day want his own kids, other peoples kids he wasn't any good with. But one of the little children had noticed their teacher's look and turned, so pretty soon all them were looking and his lips twisted into an apologetic look towards Abby.
"Who is that Miss Lytar?" said one voice, sounding like a little girl but Carlton couldn't place which one had talked.
Abby looked a little embarrassed, but she just smiled at her class. "Boys and girls, this is Mr. Carlton, he is a friend of mine-" and maybe she might have offered more information, but the bell rang and she sighed, shaking her head, "-and have a good evening children. I will see you all tomorrow"
As children streamed from the room, pausing only to grab their things while shrieking and yelling as they went. Abby walked towards him, with her bag and coat hanging over one arm. "Shouldn't you be at work Carlton?" she asked, tilting her head towards the door and he followed her as she left.
"The Chief let me go home early, she said it was a reward to closing the case"
"The Williams case?"
He was pleased she had remembered. "Yes, that one. I s-" he stopped himself before he went off on a tangent about how exactly he had solved the case, and without Spencer's help!, "I came by to see if you would rather have a ride home rather then spending the money on a taxi"
She smiled next to him, sliding her arm through his as they walked. "I would like that very much, thank you. And maybe on the way back to your place we can stop and get some burritos at Super Cuca's, you know, the one of the west side? With the money I'm saving from not taking a cab"
"My place?" he repeated, not even pointing out as he might that the point of his giving her a ride was to save the money, but if she wanted to spend it, she could.
"Yes, your place" she laughed, glancing around before kissing him lightly, removing herself from him as she moved around the car. He walked to the driver's side with a smile on his face. Spencer didn't know what he was missing, not growing up for a woman like Abigail, but he shouldn't complain. If Spencer had, he wouldn't be the one with her now. So really, if he thought about it, he had Spencer to thank for dating her first and bringing her into his life.
Maybe he would buy him a coffee tomorrow as a thank you, it would be worth it to see his face when he told him why.
1. Shawn Spencer
It had been a very long day and Carlton wanted nothing more then to just be able to go home and sleep. Forget eating and even getting undressed, he just wanted to crawl into bed and not come out until his alarm chirped at him tomorrow morning. Unless of course he was called in during the night and the very thought made him groan as he unlocked his front door.
But on step inside his house and he knew there was someone else was there, any exhaustion he had been feeling was gone as he slowly closed the door behind him while his free hand reached for his gun. He moved slowly, gun in front of him towards the light in his kitchen he was amazed he hadn't seen was on before now.
Taking a deep breath, he barged into his kitchen with a yell of "Freeze!" and his gun swinging around to point at- and he lowered his gun as he yelled "Shawn!? What have I told you about breaking into my house? I could have shot you!"
Shawn however didn't even look fazed, grinning like a fool at him over the pineapple he was chopping on the cutting board. "It isn't breaking into your house if I have a key now is it Lassie-love?" he asked breezily as he used the knife to scoop up the pineapple chunks and add them to the stir-fry pot he had known he'd owned but hadn't seen in years, "Besides, you would never shot me. And espically not when I'm making delicious pineapple chicken for you"
Holstering his gun, Carlton sat down heavily in a chair at his kitchen table, setting about removing shoes after draping his jacket over the back of the chair. "How do you have a key Shawn?" he asked.
"I have a key because I borrowed your keys once when you were all in your 'I'm being serious so don't bother me' mode so I didn't want to so I just took them. Made a copy at Walmart. Did you know they charge less then two dollars to make a key? It's a bargain" Shawn explained, stirring the food as the aroma of pineapple chicken filled the kitchen.
"It's illegal to make a copy of a key without permission"
"Then maybe I should turn you in because you made a copy of a key to the Laundromat before I made the key to Castillo de Lassiter. Hmm?"
Carlton had to admit he had a point, so he let it drop. Instead he removed his shoulder holster, setting it down with a thump on the table. "So why are you in my house? I thought tonight was.. something- I remember Henry mentioning you were supposed to be over there tonight?"
Shawn scoffed a little. "I'd rather be making yummy food for my overworked boyfriend then listening to my dad complain" he said and grinned wide, "Besides, I can get nookie here when I sure as hell hope I would never get it at my dad's house"
"But you love me anyways" Shawn said cheekily, almost off-handed with the comment as he returned to cooking.
But Shawn was right. He did love him. Even if he was insane and had of habit of leaving things at his house. And pretending he was a psychic when while he clearly wasn't, he was also just a clearly very smart and was doing it somehow. Being in love with Shawn was insane, but he was alright with that.
And maybe he'd even tell him he loved him tonight. Maybe.
If he didn't fall asleep after the sex Shawn would likely say he deserved after feeding him.